There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
