i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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