It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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