just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
