your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
