I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
