I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
