I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
