I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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