TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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