Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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