woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
