sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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