yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
