Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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