Plan B is the new Plan A
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize