Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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