Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
