I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
