why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
