There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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