So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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