you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
