I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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