My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
