clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
