and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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