shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Panties = found
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
