sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
