South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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