so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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