Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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