You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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