Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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