It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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