Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
