You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
