If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Farmville is her only friend.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize