i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
