dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
