He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
