a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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