I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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