when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
