She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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