sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
