I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I need moral support for this bender
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
