My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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