I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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