we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
