Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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