I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
