If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
