Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize