these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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