walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize