Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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