You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
