think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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