i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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