And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
