Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
