im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
