i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
