Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
