my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need to calm my uterus...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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