just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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