I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
