dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
