Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
