It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize