I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
