I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
