are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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