I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
