That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
