I hate all girls vehemently.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
