i just google imaged poop.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
