Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
