I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
